i’ve not posted in a bit. i’ve been busy, because something amazing has happened.
thanks to big pharma, and the conspiracy out there to stop cancer patients getting better through the LIE of chemotherapy, i’m feeling healthier and more energetic than i have in about a year. the negative effects of the cancer on my liver were, i think, a lot more pronounced than i wanted to admit to myself. i have a better appetite, more energy, and generally feel and look better (minus hair, and with acne due to being off the pill) than i have in a very, very long time. again, i am grateful each day that after 3 months of chemo, i’m feeling better, not worse, than i did when i started. don’t get me wrong, it’s not a great deal of fun – i am exhausted for one week, and not that hungry – but the other week, i’m feeling human. really human. it’s amazing. my wonderful little liver – the champion! more to the point, my cocktail of cytotoxic drugs? A CHAMPION. my lungs clear, my liver normal (albeit filled with tumours), and my bowel well, pretty much exactly the same as it’s been my entire life. go go go body!
i wrote a very long post about medicinal cannabis that i deleted because i got very angry in it. the basic overview is – i am pro-legalisation, and i believe, as does any doctor you ask, it does a lot of good things for managing a lot of the aspects of cancer treatment. however, there is no evidence that it cures cancer, and the idea of something ‘curing cancer’ like it’s one disease illustrates a completely wrong-headed approach to a very complex set of illnesses. i got angry about ‘natural’ sites deliberately misrepresenting abstracts and scientific papers – extrapolating that something that suggests that cannabinoids may slow growth mean they cure cancer, when current chemotherapies are far more effective – and talked about how the idea of a big pharma conspiracy is exceptionally insulting to my medical team, and to me personally, suggesting i am too dumb to understand why my oncologist, with years of study, research and experience would be lying to me about the best way to get me well. my oncologist follows the cannabis studies too, and he discussed how they worked with me once – how hard it is to actually get the cannabinoids into the cancer due to how the body absorbs them, how there is promise. you know what shows more promise? aspirin. seriously, there’s some fantastic research going into aspirin and bowel cancer right now – i’d jump on the clinical trials if my cancer wasn’t too advanced. aspirin is out of patent, so the fact that big pharma are doing research on it suggests there’s a lack of a huge overarching conspiracy to not ‘cure’ cancer. plus, big pharma don’t want us dead. they want to cure cancer so they can sell the cure, and keep us all alive and paying them more money. anyhow. that is the summary of my rant. moral of the story? i still get shitted off when i see implications that those of us who have made the choice to treat our cancer under the advice of medical professionals are dumb idiots who have drunk the kool-aid. please continue to not tell me that a spliff is more effective than my chemo.
so i’ve mostly been doing a lot of spinning, and some knitting, and even a bit of reading again. as soon as i got sick, i stopped wanting to read anything more sophisticated than trashy fantasy novels. something in my brain clogged up. whatever that was though, i feel like i can read Actual Books now. so: i am giving myself a challenge.
every year, i get super excited about the announcement of the winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature. i have my favourites i want to win – and last year, my favourite won! if you haven’t read Alice Munro, you should. i do my yearly rant about Murakami being overrated and not worthy of a Nobel, and my optimistic hope that DeLillo will win soon. he’s so great. anyhow. most years, people i’ve never heard of win, because i’m really not extraordinarily well read. i’m pretty well read, but i could be better. and you know, what better to do during this long, fascinating stretch of time wherein i do nothing but sit around, and try and not die from surgery, cancer, radiation, bloodclots, etc, than start reading at least one work for every Nobel Prize for Literature winner?
I can’t think of anything better!!!!! ok. i could be like a proper, truly inspirational cancer patient who does amazing things for charity, or helping the world out. i feel guilt – real genuine guilt, that i’m not running a marathon to raise funds for cancer research or something. but, well. i will inspire people through my desire to read a lot of stuff? i guess? maybe people could sponsor me to read. damn. that would be cool. probs not necessary.
i’ve just got to decide if i’m better off starting a separate blog to follow this, or to just use this one. i think in some ways, a separate blog might be a bit simpler, as this is all ranty-rant. it was, admittedly, left over from my garden blog. i should post some pictures – i tend to mostly be posting pictures to instagram.